The Dilemma. Part One

Follows ‘Family Matters’.

Winter had finally relinquished its hold on the Yorkshire countryside and spring had taken over. The trees were turning green with the emergence of new leaves, bluebells carpeted the woods and the gorse had begun to show its bright yellow flowers soon to fill the air with the faint smell of coconut. Dora allowed Copper to set the pace, while she leaned back in the saddle feeling relaxed with the weak suns rays gently warming her back. She was taking a rare couple of hours off, away from Follyfoot to visit Angela Bruce. It had been several weeks since she had last seen the pony, Polly. And she was intrigued to find out how she was getting on without her training. She had wanted to Steve to come with her, he could do with the break too! Ever since Slugger’s spell in hospital, Steve had taken over more of the work in the house, Dora herself wasn’t particularly domesticated but she did try, but it was he who often cooked the meals and helped out with some of the cleaning and washing. This had to be done tactfully, so not to offend because although, thankfully, Slugger was well on the mend, he could tire very easily but wouldn’t always admit to not being as fit as he use to be.

But Steve, as usual had declined to accompany her to the Bruces, he wasn’t too keen on the children. Angela had 5 children, from Simon the eldest at nearly 15, a girl of 12, eight-year-old twins and then an afterthought of Julie, 8 months. The elder children had come to Follyfoot last summer for riding lessons and Steve had taken a dislike to them then, especially the twins. Dora had to admit that despite their father’s Army discipline, they were very naughty and cheeky. So bad were they at one point that Slugger refused to teach them, lucky they got bored quite quickly and gave up the lessons. Simon had shown a natural ability with horses but as with a lot of teenage boys, other things took over his spare time like hanging around the local town centre with his mates, so riding old horses became a little uncool.

Dora stretched her back and yawned, gosh, she was feeling really tired today, she thought. Must have been the late night, her and Steve had last night; it had been nearly midnight before they had finally turned in. They had spent hours in the study trying to find a discrepancy in the accounts, only to discover that a figure had been entered in the wrong column. Her fault, she had eventually admitted with embarrassment.

She let Copper have his head urging him into a gallop, to feel the air rush into her lungs and the wind whip at her hair. Hopefully the exhilarating ride would wake her up.

A few minutes later she pulled a disgruntled Copper up at the crossroads, where the narrow lane to the Bruces joined the main road. Dora could hear a vehicle approaching from the lane, so waited on the grass verge for it to pass. She was surprised to see it was a police car that appeared, the young policeman in the passenger seat nodded at her in acknowledgement and touch the peak of his cap. He looked quite cute, what was it about men in uniforms, she thought to herself. Maybe she should mention it to Steve. Now there was a thought, she pictured Steve in a uniform and sighed.

It was only then that the thought came to her that something could be wrong at Angela’s. Her first thought was her husband; Dora knew he was doing a tour of duty in Northern Ireland. She raised her hand to the policemen then turned and trotted up the lane to the cottage.

Angela answered the door herself, the youngest child slung on her hip. Dora could see she had been crying, her eyes were red and she was positively upset. She seemed surprised to see Dora as if she was expecting someone else.

“Oh Dora, come in. I thought it was the police back. Please excused me” Angela wiped her face with the child’s bib she held in her hand.

“Angela, are you all right? I saw the police car.” Dora placed a gentle hand on the woman’s arm. “Is it your husband?”

“No, no, He’s okay. I’m just at the end of my tether, Dora. I don’t know what to do with him.” Angela sniffed back the tears.

“Who?” Dora asked.

“Simon.” Came the reply.”

“Come on, Angela. Let’s go into the kitchen and I’ll make you a cup of tea then you can tell me about it if you like.” Dora ushered Angela into the warm, cosy kitchen.

“No it’s okay, I’ll do it. You sit down.” Angela motioned for Dora to sit on one of the wooden kitchen chairs. As Dora sat Angela placed the infant in her arms.

“Do you mind holding Julie for a minute?” Angela said as she turned to put the kettle on the old range.

Dora was a bit taken aback, and recoiled slightly; she had never held a baby in her life. She cautiously placed her hands around the small soft body and smiled gingerly at her. The baby’s blue eyes stared at her and suddenly her bottom lip began to tremble and tears welled in her eyes. Dora started to panic but then bounce her knees up and down and made ‘giddy up’ noises. It was the only thing she could think of. Gradually the baby’s face broke into a gummy smile, showing her newly emerged front teeth. Dora was encourage by this and started to sing ‘Ride a Cock Horse’ to the child, who immediately started to laugh, the tears forgotten.

As Dora continued to bounce the infant who was now giggling happily, she asked Angela about Simon.

“Apparently a stone was thrown through a gentleman’s window in the village and Simon was seen running away.” Angela sighed sadly wiping the tears from her eyes, once more with a tea towel. “I don’t know what to do. He can be so sullen and moody at times.”

“Angela, that’s just teenage boys. They get like that when they are growing up.” Dora said as if she had years of bringing up teenage boys.

“Maybe it wasn’t him who through the stone.’ Dora continued. ‘Maybe it was one of his friends.”

“No, apparently he was on own. No one else was seen. And he admits to doing it anyway.”

“Why.” Dora asked, tickling the baby Julie’s tummy and watching her blow bubbles with delight.

Angela shook her head with a sigh. ‘He refuses to say. Reckons no one will believe him. And to cap it all he’s been skipping school.’

“Where is he now?” Dora asked.

“I’ve sent him to his room. Not that is much of a punishment. He spends most of his time when he is at home there, if he’s not with the pony.”

“He still rides it, does he? Only I thought he given up riding in place of his mates.” Dora said as the baby stuck her fingers in Dora’s mouth and she playfully bit them.

“He still looks after it daily and exercises it occasionally. It’s the only useful thing he does around here.” Angela said sadly.

Dora rose from her seat and without thinking swung Julie on to her hip, like she’d been a mother for years.

“Look why don’t I go and see Polly and you can ask Simon if he will come and help me. Maybe I can get him to talk about it?” Dora handed the infant back to her mother, carefully extracting her hair from the little fingers that held on to it.

“Ouch.” Dora exclaimed.

“Babies always do that, as you’ll find out when you have your own.” Angela laughed; her own hair was tied back in a neat ponytail. “You know Dora, you look tired, are you okay?”

“Yes, just didn’t get to sleep very early last night, that’s all.” Dora replied.

“Oh, well, that’s young love for you!” Angela smiled knowingly.

“No, it wasn’t that….” Dora stammered, her cheeks suddenly reddening as she escaped quickly out of the back door.

Dora found the pony in her stall in the corner of the paddock. She’d been there a while, gently talking to the pony as she buckled up the bridle, when she became aware of someone standing in the doorway. She turned and gasped out loud; the boy was leaning against the doorpost, his hands jammed in his pockets and his dark hair flopping forward onto his face.

“Gosh, Simon, you gave me a fright.”

“Mum said you wanted me to help.” He said sullenly.

“Do you mind?” she asked cheerfully.

“Nope.” He shrugged.

“I thought you could show me how Polly’s getting on and tell me if there’s anything I can help with.”

“Okay.” He walked out of the stall into the paddock, waiting for Dora to follow without even offering to help with the saddle.

He sat on the fence not even moving when Dora appeared until she approached him and held the reins.

“Here, would you like to trot her around the paddock.”

He didn’t answer but took the reins without a second glance in Dora’s direction and putting one foot in the stirrup mounted the pony.

After a few laps around the paddock, with Dora shouting encouragement and praise, Simon began to relax, even allowing a smile to enlighten his face occasionally. He was certainly very good with the pony and was a natural in the saddle.

Dora tried to make casual conversation, asking him how school was but he wouldn’t be drawn into talking about anything but the pony it seemed, so Dora thought it better to let the subject drop. She hoped he would talk when he was ready.

The trouble with Simon was that he had no male adult company, his father was away such a lot and when he was home he was such a strict disciplinarian that Simon rebelled against him and they ended up arguing.

Suddenly an idea came to Dora, and leaving Simon to unsaddle the pony and rub her down, she excused herself and went back to the cottage to talk to his mother.

---

“You did WHAT!” Steve spun round from the workbench in the tack room, the bradawl held like a weapon in his hand.

“I told Angela, Simon could come and help out here at weekends. Thought it might help him, keep him out of mischief.” Dora repeated slowly. She had already told him of Simon’s misdemeanour and Angela Bruce’s concern over her son.

“You want us to take him on. Haven’t we got enough to do, without babysitting that juvenile delinquent?” He snapped.

“Steve, that’s not fair. And I didn’t necessarily mean us. I was thinking more of …you!” she said quietly, screwing up her face, awaiting his reaction.

“Me! You want me to take him on. Me!” His dark eyes blazed. “Do you hate me that much, girl, that you’d force that boy on me.”

“Steve, don’t be silly.” Dora sighed and looked at him. ‘Look, he just a teenage boy, confused and alone. He needs adult male company; someone he can relate to and look up to. You know his father’s not around very much and when he is they usually end up arguing.’

“Yeah, well me and him will probably end doing the same. Why me Dora, why not Ron or Slugger?”

“I just thought you would better understand what he’s going through with the police and that. Don’t forget Steve, you were that… ‘juvenile delinquent’ once.” Dora said softly, smiling slightly to show that no malice was meant.

“Takes a criminal to know a criminal, eh.” Steve retorted sharply.

“No, Steve, it’s not like that and you know it.”

“Isn’t it?” Throwing the bradawl carelessly on to the bench, he turned away from her and walked over to the doorway, gazing outside for a few seconds.

“Oh, Dora!” He turned back to face her, he ran his fingers through his long dark hair then stuffed his hands into his pockets, shrugging his shoulders.

Dora began to laugh.

“What! What’s funny?”

“You, Steve.”

“What?” he said with frown.

Dora sighed and gazed at him with her hazel eyes. “This afternoon, when Simon was stood in Polly’s stall doorway, he reminded me of someone.”

“Who?”

“You!”

“Me!” Steve scoffed.

“Yes. He’s a teenage version of you, Steve. He’s sullen, moody and full of hate. Just as you were when you first came here, remember. He’s needs help and understanding Steve, and I know you’re the best person to give him that.” Her eyes pleaded with him. “You’re always telling me to think of people for a change and that’s what I’m doing. Do it please, if not for Simon, for me?”

Steve removed his hands from his pockets and rubbed his face. Blowing out his cheeks he sighed.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Oh, Steve, thank you.” Dora reached over to him and laid her hands gently on his arms.

“I said, I’ll think about it, okay, I’m not promising anything.”

“No, of course not.” She turned her face up to his and planted a loving kiss on his lips.

“And don’t think you can get around me like that.” He teased.

“May be not, but it’s worth a try.” She put her arms around his neck and kissed him once more, longer this time. She knew the kiss would eventually work, it always did!

When they parted, Steve held her off and gazed at her pale face. “You know, you’re looking tired today.”

“You’re the second person to say that to me today. Perhaps we should have an early night, tonight.” She smiled coyly at him.

“Sounds like an excellent idea.” He winked at her.

---

Dora perched herself on the edge of the toilet seat in the bathroom as she watched Steve, his back to her, rinse the shampoo from his hair under the shower, recently installed over the bath. His black hair appearing even longer as it hung in wet strands down his neck. His was the first naked male body she had seen; the only one, in fact, and she never tired looking at it. Okay, so he didn’t have the physique of a body builder and maybe his waist wasn’t as trim as Ron’s (she often joked that he was acquiring ‘love handles’) but he did have strong, broad shoulders and those arms that held her tight were solid muscle. Just seeing the lather run over those smooth, lean shoulders, down his straight spine to the small of his back and over his firm backside was causing the lustful feeling to rise in Dora’s body. Reluctantly she shook the thought from her head, temporarily anyway, and returned to the conversation in hand.

“Well, Steve. What’s your answer?”

“You don’t give up, do you?” Steve replied as he picked up the bottle of hair conditioner and squeezed a bit in his hand.

“No.” Dora said, chuckling to herself as Steve worked the conditioner, her conditioner into his hair. She recalled how she had teased him the first time she caught him using it and how he’s begged her not to tell anyone particularly Ron, who would certainly brand him ‘a nancy boy’ for using it. She had to admit it did make his already deliciously thick hair, silkier and softer.

“Steve?” her voice questioned him again.

“For goodness sake, girl. Okay, I’ll do it … but just for a month, on a trial basis.” Came his exasperated reply from under the noisy spray of water.

“Thank you Steve, you won’t regret it, I promise.”

“I hope not!”

Rising to her feet, Dora pulled her jumper off over her head and undid her jeans allowing them to fall about her ankles then kicked them out of the way. Removing her underwear and throwing on to the floor too, she stepped into the bath just as Steve turned to face her.

“What the…” he started then grinned at her as she placed her hands on his smooth, wet chest and began to stroke it, working her way down to his body to his navel. Steve sighed as he stood there, his eyes closed in ecstasy, enjoying the touch of her soft warm hands on his body.

“A consolation prize for taking on Simon.” Dora grinned back.

“Wow! If this is the consolation prize, I’d loved to know what the first prize is.” He said, opening his eyes and moving his gaze down from her face, taking in the fullness of her breasts, her slight waist and the curve of her hips. Was it his imagination, he thought, or had her body changed over the last few months? What did it matter; it was a beautiful body anyway.

“Ah, well you’ll find out when you complete your task, won’t you?” She reached up and kissed him, pressing her body close to his, feeling his wet skin on hers, feeling too his body’s arousal in response to hers.

---

Simon arrived early the following Saturday. Dora and Steve weren’t long up and had still been in the kitchen drinking their morning tea. Steve tried to keep an open mind about the boy and had welcomed him in friendly and cheerful manner.

After finishing his tea, and Simon the one he had been offered, Steve took the boy out to help him with the mucking out. Steve was amazed at how hard working the lad turned out to be, he was almost as quick and as thorough as Dora and himself, certainly somewhat better than Ron was at times.

As they sat down to breakfast after the mucking out had been finished, Dora and Steve tried to encourage Simon to talk about himself but it was proving hard work. He sat most the time, eating his breakfast in silence, rarely looking up from his plate. And when he did it was to glance quickly at Dora. She was very pretty, he thought. His mates would really jealous if she was to go with him. Okay, so she was older than him but he was pretty mature for his age. He was nearly 15 and could leave school this summer if he wanted to. This occupied his mind throughout the rest of breakfast until Slugger voice speaking loudly to him distracted him.

“Oi, lad, you finished with that plate.” Slugger’s hand came out to remove it from the table. “See.” He said to the others. “The lad’s plate is clean, he obviously likes me cookin’.”

“He hasn’t tasted your stew yet, Slugs.” Steve laughed handing the old man his own plate.

“Or yours.” Dora teased Steve as she got up from the table. “And it’s your turn to cook tonight!”

“Gee, thanks. You always say you like my cooking.” Steve feigned hurt.

“I make a mean curry.” He winked at Simon.

“That’s what I tell you.” Dora giggled and placed her arms around his neck and hugged him from behind, placing a quick kiss in his hair before backing off out of his reach as he playfully hit out at her.

Simon watched as Steve chased Dora out of the kitchen and through the back door to the farmhouse gate, which Dora held closed goading Steve from the other side, both of them laughing out loud.

“Hey, you two. Who’s helpin’ with the clearing up.” Slugger shouted after them.

“I’ll do it.” Simon said quietly, his mind wondering about Dora and Steve.

Later that morning after Simon had helped Steve with the rehanging of gate at the back of the house, he and Steve were fiddling with the engine of the ancient tractor. Steve had been concerned for some time that it hasn’t been running, as it should. All they needed was for it to break down completely and cost them more money.

Taking his eyes off the engine for a minute, Steve looked over to where the boy was sitting on an unturned box, absently toying with the adjustable spanner. This morning hadn’t been as bad as Steve had expected, he thought. Simon had worked hard and had even showed an interest in the stories Steve had told of some of the horses that had lived at Follyfoot. Asking all sorts of questions when Steve had finished relaying his tales. Dora was right he just needed some encouragement.

“Hey, Simon, come and look at this and see what you think.” Steve called to him to get him involved with the tractor. They spent a few minutes looking at the engine and Steve asking Simon his opinion of various mechanical parts.

“I’d love to drive a tractor.” Simon said brightly obviously encourage by the fact that Steve had included him in the interesting task of repairing the vehicle.

“Would you? Well, we’ll have to see what we can do then, won’t we?” Steve said smiling at him.

“Really, you mean it. You’ll let me drive the tractor.” Simon said astonishingly.

“Sure, why not. I was about your age when I drove one for the first time. But we’ll have to get it working properly first, okay. You not driving it until it’s safe.”

“Yeah, of course, Wow! I can’t wait. Thanks Steve.” He beamed at the young man. “Have you always lived here?” Simon asked quietly looking round at the fields and the farm buildings.

Steve sighed. “No, I’ve been here a few years now and love it; it’s my home. Don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for the Colonel and this place. Before Follyfoot… well, I didn’t have a home, just moved from place to place. Got into trouble with the police on a few occasions too.”

Steve looked at the boy, hoping that his openness about his trouble past would encourage Simon to talk.

“I don’t like the police.” Simon said

“I know, I’m not too keen on them either.” Steve admitted. “Why don’t you like them?” he quizzed.

Simon shrugged. “No reason, really.” He turned back to the tractor.

It was obvious to Steve that he wasn’t ready to talk about the police and stone-throwing escapade. Steve almost asked directly about it but Dora’s voice echoed in his head. “Be patient, Steve.”

Steve stood in silence for a while gazing down into the field where Dora was helping Slugger give some youngsters a riding lesson. He was increasingly worried about her; she was working too hard, he thought to himself. And she had been looking pale and tired just lately. He hoped that there was nothing to seriously wrong. She had been ill a few months ago with a chest infection that she had struggled to get rid of. He really must insist that she relaxed a lot more and a few more early nights wouldn’t go amiss. He had been there a few minutes lost in thought, trying to think of ways of taking some of the pressure off Dora when he became aware of Simon standing next to him. He followed Steve’s gaze to where it fell on Dora, who was gently shouting commands to the young novice riders.

“She’s nice, isn’t she? Pretty.” he said to Steve without looking at him.

“Dora? Yes, she is.” Steve answered him, his eyes stayed on Dora briefly before glancing sideways at the boy. He had a look on his face, a look Steve remembered from his own teenage years, when he had, at 13, taken a shine to an older girl in one of the many foster homes he had frequented. He smiled to himself as he recalled that she had given him his first kiss. He remembered the kiss… but oddly enough he couldn’t recall her name.

“Hey, do you fancy her?” he asked quietly.

Simon looked down shyly. “A bit, yeah.” He said shuffling from one foot to the other, a blush creeping into his cheeks.

“Me too.” Steve grinned.

“But…” Stuttered Simon. “I thought you were already, sort of, boy and girlfriend. Aren’t you?”

“Yeah, we are but just because you fall in love with someone, doesn’t mean you stop fancying them.” Steve added, aware that he may have embarrassed the boy.

“Love. You mean you’re a proper couple, snogging and all that?” Simon queried suddenly over coming his shyness, and becoming more forthright.

“Well, yeah, if you must put it that way.” Steve grinned at him.

“Oh.” Simon said a little disappointed. There goes my date with Dora. He thought to himself, still if they ever split up maybe he’d still be in with a chance. He could dream anyway.

As if reading his thoughts, Steve chivvied the boy back to the task of fixing the tractor.

“Come on, stop daydreaming and lets get his tractor fixed before lunch.” He patted Simon on the shoulder and turn back to the engine but Steve’s own thoughts were still with Dora and his overwhelming concerns over her health.

After lunch Steve drove Simon home with the promise they would work on the tractor again another day. Even just in this first morning with him, he had come to quite like the boy and hoped in time he would be able to get Simon to talk about the incident with the police. He’d have to tell Dora about his obvious crush on her. He’d be able to tease her as she’d teased him over Callie’s crush on him several years ago. Walking into the farmhouse he called out to her, he had already checked the stables and she hadn’t been in there.

“Dora, where are you?”

“In here.” Her voice came from the study.

Steve entered the study to find Dora flicking through the large desk diary that always sat on the mahogany desk.

“What are you doing?” he asked shrugging off his jacket and chucking it onto a handily placed chair.

“I need my hair cut.” Came the reply.

“So! Why are you looking in the diary?” Steve said a bewildered look on his face. What did she expect to find in there, a pair of scissors!

“Trying to find out when I last had it done.” Dora said turning the pages back to the previous month.

“What!” Steve said bemused. Women’s conversations were certainly weird at times, and they seem to start them half way through!

“Steve!” she looked up from the diary. “We can afford it, can’t we? Only it’s looking a bit of a mess isn’t it?” she asked hesitantly, running her fingers through it.

Steve thought her hair looked just fine, he quite liked it slightly longer than her usual length, more to run his own fingers through. Perhaps he’d get his own cut, he had it this long for years now but he was sure Dora wouldn’t like it. She was always commenting on how she loved his long hair!

“For goodness sake, Dora, we’re not in the poor house yet! Besides it’s your money, to do as you wish.” He said a slight scathing tone to his voice. Her father still sent her an allowance every now and then, which Steve point blank refused to let her use for Follyfoot.

“But, anyway, I thought you wrote those sort of appointments down in your personal diary?” he continued.

“Of course!” she said plonking the diary back on the desk and extricating her handbag from under Steve’s jacket on the chair, took out her small red diary with a pencil stuck down the spine. Skipping the last month she turned the pages back to the month before that.

“Ah, there it is, Tuesday the 12th. Over eight weeks ago, gosh, no wonder it needs trimming….” She broke off abruptly as her eyes caught sight of an entry written in her neat handwriting the day before. She gasped and turned pale. ‘SP’ that’s what she wrote when she started her monthly periods, she quickly flicked forward to last month and then this, to her horror there was no other entry since.

“Something the matter?” Steve asked catching the look on her face.

“No, nothing.” She shut the diary up and stuffed it quickly into her shoulder bag and hanging it on the back of the chair.

“Are you sure?” Steve brow furrowed in puzzlement.

“Yes, of course. I’ll make an appointment if that’s okay then.” She said trying to hide the shakiness in her voice and smiling at him.

“Sure.” He said absentmindedly still puzzling over Dora’s concerned face now even whiter than it had been.

“You got Simon home okay then? What did you think of his first day here?” she asked trying to act as normal even though her mind was full of missed periods and the possible consequences.

“Yeah, he seems nice enough. Not afraid of work, at the moment anyway, he could just be trying to make a good impression. Talking of impressions, you certainly made a big one on him!” he grinned at her.

“How do you mean?” Dora asked.

“Taken quite a shine to you has our young Simon. In fact, I’ll go as far as to say he fancies you.”

“No.” She said disbelievingly, a blush creeping into her face.

“Oh yeah. I can see I’ll have to watch my step or he’ll be taking my place.” Steve said teasing her.

“Never.” She put a hand on his arm, reached up and kissed him briefly on the cheek. Steve grabbed her and tried to kiss her mouth but she turned away abruptly and headed for the door leaving Steve staring confused after her.

“I could do with a cup of tea. I wonder if Slugger’s got the kettle on yet.” Dora said as she walked towards the kitchen. Her mind was in turmoil, she didn’t know what she going to tell Steve or how? She’d have to do some thinking before she told him. She had to be sure of her own feelings and thoughts. And, of course, she’d have to find out if her fears were founded, although she couldn’t think of any other reasonable explanation for her missed periods.

---

The remainder of the afternoon and suppertime passed with Dora hardly saying a word to either Steve or Slugger. She politely gave answers to questions when they were asked but most of the time she seemed to be in a world of her own. Steve asked her several times if she was okay but she just fobbed him off with the excuse that she was just a little tired. Even in the evening when the three of them would sit in the kitchen chatting about the day or listening to the radio, Dora sat with a magazine on her lap but Steve could tell she wasn’t reading it, her mind was obviously elsewhere. Even Slugger noticed her quietness and unusually distant mood, glancing every now and then at Steve with an enquiring look. Steve just shrugged in reply to the older man’s unspoken questions.

It was barely 9.30 pm when Dora rose from her seat and made her excuses to go to bed, giving Steve only a quick glance.

“It’s still early, girl. Won’t you have a cuppa before you go?” Slugger asked picking up the kettle and placing it on the stove. “Or a cuppa warm milk, that’ll ‘elp you sleep, if your tired, that will!” Looking at Steve for help but he just shrugged again.

“I’ll be up in bit.” Steve said to her as walked out of the kitchen.

“It’s all right. Don’t hurry on my account.” She called out half-heartedly as she ascended the stairs.

Steve sighed deeply and rubbed his fingers along his forehead, his head was starting to ache.

“What’s the matter, son.” Slugger was next to him, a fatherly hand on his shoulder. “You two ‘ad a row?”

“No! I don’t know what’s wrong with her, Slugs. She was okay, if a little tired until this afternoon. Since then she’s been so cold and distant with me. I’ve racked my brain to think of what I might have said or done to upset her, but… I can’t.” He lent on the table and buried his head in his hands.

“Maybe that’s it, maybe she is just tired. She works too hard, you both do. You should take sometime off together.” Slugger patted the young man’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go up after her? She probably just needs a hug, eh!”

“Yeah.” Steve laughed softly. Maybe Slugs was right, he was reading more into it than was necessary.

Saying goodnight to Slugger, he made his way to the stairs; he had his foot on the first step when he noticed the study door was ajar. Something clicked in his head as he remembered Dora’s odd behaviour that afternoon. Entering the study, his eyes at once enlightened on her bag slung on the back of the chair. He picked it up and with a moments hesitation opened it and took out her small red diary. He flicked through it; he hated doing it, after all a personal diary was just that, personal. He found the page she had been looking at immediately as she had inadvertently placed the little marker ribbon in it.

He saw her entry straight away as if it was written in neon. He knew what it meant as she had told him one day when he discovered her writing in it and had joked with her about her ‘secret’ diary so she had shown him and explained about her ‘code’, to prove she had no ‘secrets’ from him.

Thumbing his way through the last months he could find no other entry made of that particular ‘code’.

He plonked himself heavily into the leather swivel chair and spun it round to face the window. He gripped the diary tight in his hand, now he understood the look of horror on Dora’s face that afternoon and her thoughtful and distant mood since then.

Steve slumped back into the chair and breathing in deeply blew out his cheeks. She couldn’t be, could she? Dora pregnant! He couldn’t believe it. How could it have happened? They had always been careful and since he had moved in with her, Dora had been taking ‘the pill’. If it were true, something had gone terribly wrong!

He closed his eyes and thought of Dora, questions spinning around in his head causing it to ache even more.

Why didn’t she tell him of her fears?

What did he do now?

Did he wait until she was ready to tell him?

Or did he broach the subject himself? If he did, he would have to admit to reading her personal diary?

She would tell him, wouldn’t she?

Suddenly the fear hit him that she might go behind his back and do something…. stupid! He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands once more. God! It was going to take some time to get his head around this!

This wasn’t how the life together, their new beginning, was supposed to start.

When he and Dora first got together and he had moved in with her, only a matter of months ago, children hadn’t been part of the plan. Occasionally, when they talked about their future together, a family would casually be mentioned, but they both understood that it was for in the future, the long and distant future. They were both too young for this, there was too much to do at Follyfoot, too much of the world to do and see together. They were still getting use to their new relationship, still getting to know each other intimately and learning to live with each other.

They weren’t ready to be parents, were they? How would Dora cope with being a mother? Despite doing a grown up job of owning and running the farm, she could be so naive and immature at times. Oh, she had matured somewhat in the last year, he had to admit, how much of that was due to him, due to their love and relationship, he wouldn’t like say. But he liked to think that he definitely had something to do with it!

She liked children, he knew that, and they liked her, but Dora as a mother herself, it was hard to imagine.

And what of him! Was he ready to be a father? He didn’t know anything of fatherhood. He could hardly remember his own father, so had no role model. Well, apart from Slugger. He smiled fondly when he thought of the older man; he was the nearest thing he had ever had to a father.

The one thing he had always vowed to himself that when the time came for family, he would endeavour to be the best father he could possibly be, giving his children the love and care he’d never had!

He rose from the chair and carefully placed the diary back in Dora’s bag, hanging it on the chair again before making his way out of the study, and shutting the door quietly behind him but he couldn’t go upstairs not yet, anyway.

By the time Steve had regained his composure and entered the bedroom, Dora was already undressed and in bed, a book in her hand but she hadn’t read a single word.

She watched him as he undressed, with a look of apprehension and fear in her eyes.

“Steve!” she said slowly and quietly.

“Yes.” He answered her quickly in anticipation of her words.

She just shrugged, in her heart she wanted so much to tell him of her fears but she was just not able to find the right words, not yet.

“You were a long time.” She said eventually.

“Yeah!” he sighed. “Thought I heard a noise at the side of the house, so I went out to look. There was nothing there.” It wasn’t totally untrue, he did go outside, he needed to get some fresh air, needed to breathe in the cool night air to clear his head. Unfortunately it hadn’t worked!

Pausing momentarily he got into bed beside her, as she turned out the lamp then lay on her side, her back to him. Hesitantly he placed himself at her back and she move to allow him to tuck one arm underneath her and the around her pulling her closer to him. As they lay like spoons in silence, he swore he could feel her shaking. He placed his hand underneath the t-shirt she was wearing, his old white t-shirt, rested it briefly on her stomach then move it up slowly and cupped her breast tentatively, waiting for her to pull away but it to his relief, she didn’t. She sighed and he felt her relax in his arms. Sleep, like the words that neither could say, wouldn’t come easily to either of them that night.

---

Dawn was only just breaking into the darkness when Dora awoke from her fitful sleep, sitting up quietly and slowly she looked down at this man lying beside her, his handsome dark features relaxed in sleep, who shared not only her bed but also her life. Would he still want to share her life if it included a baby she thought sadly? She hoped so; she couldn’t bear to lose him. She bent over him and planted a light kiss on his soft lips at the same time tears felled from her eyes and landed on his cheek; he stirred as she dried them off with a gentle wipe of her thumb.

“I’m so sorry… I love you.” She whispered, her heart aching, she should tell him, needed to tell him but how? News like this would either make or break their relationship. She didn’t know if she could risk breaking it. Gathering up her clothes she made her way silently to the bathroom, where for the first time she was sick, was it the probable pregnancy or fear?

Steve awoke no more than five minutes later and stretched out a hand to discover Dora had gone! It took him a few seconds to come to and then with a start he remembered the events of yesterday. His sleepy eyes flew open and he jumped out of bed as panic began to set in. Grabbing his jeans he stepped quickly into them, glancing out of the window something caught his eye. He sighed with relief; Dora was standing by her beloved tree. Even in the weak morning light, he could make out her hands caressing the rough bark and her face pressed up against it. Was she pouring out her heart to the blasted tree, telling it things she should be telling him? He suddenly felt angry with her. Hadn’t they promised each other that theirs would be an honest relationship, that there would be no secrets between them? He continued to dress more slowly. Part of him wanted to run out to her and gather her in his arms and tell her that every thing was going to be all right but another part was still angry and hurt, if he went to her now would he be able to control his temper, he might blurt out his anger in words he would regret later. He breathed in deeply; he would speak to her later but for now he’d have to act as normal as was possible.

Dora could feel the bark on her face, it roughness scratching her skin but she didn’t care, she wanted it to hurt, wanted something to replace the pain in her heart she feeling at the moment. She could taste the saltiness of her tears as they ran unchecked down her cheeks and into her mouth. She couldn’t understand why she was crying so hard. Surely it wasn’t that bad, she wasn’t ill or dying, she was having a baby, (something in her heart told it was true) a new life. A new life that would bring change to hers and she hated change, hated that something could come between her and her beloved Follyfoot, between her and Steve. That was it; her tears were for Steve. She didn’t want to lose him but would he want this baby, she moved a hand from the tree and placed it on her tummy. She knew Steve well enough to know that he would do the right thing by her, whatever that was, but she wanted him to stay with her because he loved her and because of the baby, not because he felt it was his duty to. What if she was force to choose between him and the baby? She didn’t know if she could bear life without him but could she do what might be necessary to keep him. The tears flowed once more. It’s our baby, she told herself. He had a right to know, she’d tell him today!

She dried her face on the sleeve of her coat. She’d have to put on a brave face until the time came and act as normal as possible.

After paying a brief visit to Copper’s stall, to say good morning to him, she walked briskly but the farmhouse and into the kitchen. Steve had got the fire going and was putting the kettle on the stove; he turned to her as she walked through the door.

“There you are, girl.” He said cheerfully. “Couldn’t you sleep? You should have woken me. I missed finding you next to me, I thought you’d gone and left me.” He said trying to turn his concern into a joke.

“Sorry! I didn’t like to wake you; you look so peaceful and cute asleep.” She replied trying also to keep the conversation light-hearted.

“Slugger’s not up yet?” A glance around the room answered her question.

“It is still early, girl.” Steve said his eyes fixed on her face, trying to read the look in her eyes. “He’s probably slept in.”

“Slept in, he says, slept in.” Slugger voice boomed from the hallway as he made his way into the kitchen. “I never sleep in. And what on earth are you to doing up at this ungodly hour for, anyway.” He placed a hand on Dora’s shoulders and smiled at her.

“We couldn’t sleep, could we, Steve?” she looked at him willing her to agree with her. Reading the look in his eyes too, the look he was trying so hard to hide, she was certain he knew something was worrying her; after all, she didn’t usually raise that early in the morning without him. Thank God, he’d no idea what, she thought.

“No.” He turned his back to her and picking up the poker began to move the red-hot coals absentmindedly.

If Slugger felt the awkwardness in the air, he never let on. He carried on doing all his morning chores as he always did. Talking and grumbling away to Dora and Steve whether they were listening or not. More often they were not, so engrossed, they each had become, in their own thoughts.

---

Breakfast and the rest of the morning passed with a ‘strained normality’. Each attempting to speak and act as if nothing was untoward.

Several times Dora sought out Steve; she’d find him in the tack room or the stables. He would turn to her in expectation, his heart thumping quickly as he waited for her to tell him of the probable baby. But she’d bottle out at the last minute, either because Slugger or Simon would appear or she just couldn’t find the right words, just didn’t know how to start the conversation, feeling flustered and nervous. She’d try to compose herself by picking a random ‘farm topics’ and talking about that instead.

Each time she left. Steve would sigh in frustration and curse under his breathe. As the morning wore on he would become more and more irritated and infuriated by Dora’s procrastination. After what seemed to be the umpteenth time, Steve threw down his fork into the hay and stormed out into the yard. Dora was walking out of the gate, he went to go after her but feeling his fists clenched hard and his breathing quickening, he stopped himself. His annoyance was getting the better of him and he needed to calm down. The last thing they needed at a time like this was to have a row.

Jumping up onto the wall in the corner of the yard, he swung his legs over, allowing them to dangle the other side and sat there breathing in deeply and letting it out slowly. Gradually he became less tense and began to relax a little. As he sat there, staring over at the lake, a lonely figure appeared at the edge of the water and made her way along the old rickety wooden jetty. He smiled sadly to himself as he watched Dora standing forlornly at the end.

She pulled her beige jacket tightly around her; the slight breeze had a bitter sting to it. Dora buttoned up her jacket and stuffed her hands into the pockets. Sighing she closed her eyes and allowed her senses to engulf her.

She could feel his arms around her, holding her tight, his breathe warm on the back of her neck and his voice, that sexy voice, whispering words of comfort in her ear. It was pure bliss! In his arms is where she definitely belonged, it was the only place she felt completely safe and cared for. Another stronger breeze caused her to shiver breaking the spell. But he wasn’t there! And she so needed him to be. She wanted desperately for him to comfort her and assure her that everything was going to be all right. She removed a hand from her pocket and wiped yet more tears from her face. She had thought that she hadn’t any more tears left to cry.

Dora gazed over the side of the jetty at the water where the light glistened off the ripples made by the swirling breeze. Instead of her own reflection, she saw only his face reflected back. ‘Oh Steve.’ She said softly.

All the stable work done, Simon went in search of Steve. He hoped that would able do work on the tractor again before it was time for him to go home. When he was at Follyfoot having riding lessons, he didn’t have much to with Steve and really didn’t have much of an opinion of him but now he had worked with him, Simon actually began to like and admire Steve. He treated Simon like an adult, not talking down to him or patronising him, unlike his father, who really didn’t know his eldest son at all, thought Simon to himself.

“Hi Steve.” Simon called walking up behind Steve and causing him to swing round startled.

“Oh, Hi.” Steve answered half-heartedly before turning back around and returning his gaze to Dora once more.

“Are we going to have another go at fixing the tractor today?” the teenager said excitedly.

“Not today.” Steve replied shaking his head.

“But Steve, I thought… you promised yesterday.” Simon couldn’t hide his disappointment.

“For God’s sake, Simon. I said not today.” He shouted in frustration. Simon backed off a couple of feet startled at Steve obvious annoyance with him.

Steve sighed and turned to face Simon, rubbing his hand across his mouth and chin, he apologised, realising he had been a little off hand with the young lad. It wasn’t his fault if Steve had more important things on his mind than a damn tractor.

“I’m sorry…. I shouldn’t have shouted. I’m…erm… just a little preoccupied at the moment. Another day, I promise.”

Steve turned his attention to Dora again and watched her as she turned and walked slowly back up the jetty to bank of the lake, her head bowed in thought as she did so.

Simon followed Steve gaze and his eyes enlightened immediately on Dora.

“Is something wrong with Dora, Steve?” he asked quietly.

“No, not really, she just not… very well at the moment.” Steve said his voice a lot softer now.

“It’s not serious, is it? Only my mum used to be a nurse, maybe she could help. I could ask her if you like?”

Steve smiled at Simon’s obvious sincerity of the offer of his mother’s help.

“No, it’s not serious. Dora’s tired that’s all. She over works herself and doesn’t know when to stop. She spends so much of her time taking care of the horses that she doesn’t have any left for herself.” He sighed loudly.

“I blame myself. I should make her rest, insist that she takes care of her self too!” He spoke more to himself than to the boy. He couldn’t, wouldn’t elaborate any more.

“I could help more, I wouldn’t mind, I like it here. I could come after school. And it’s the Easter holidays soon.” Simon volunteered enthusiastically.

“Thanks, Simon, for the offer. And maybe during the holidays we’ll take you up on it but for now, don’t you think you should concentrate on school and catch up with work you’ve missed.”

Simon looked at Steve gob-smacked. How on earth did he know about that, the young lad thought?

Steve caught the look on Simon’s face.

“Yeah, I know about you skipping school. Want to talk about it? And anything else?” Steve said swinging his legs around and jumping off the wall to land in front of Simon. He leaned back against the wall, his arms folded as he prepared to listen.

“The broken window?”

“Yeah. Why, mate. Why did you do it?”

“I did have a good reason, honest.”

“I’m sure you did.”

“But you might not believe me either.”

“Try me!” Steve said unfolding his arms and placing his hands in his jeans pockets. His concern and worry over Dora was doing his head in, and making it ache again, it would do him good to think of something else for a few minutes.

Simon moved to the wall and ran his hand through his dark hair pushing it back off his face then stuffing his hands into the pockets of his corded jeans, he lent back against the rough stonewall. Steve laughed softly to himself and smiled.

Simon took a deep breath and started.

“There’s this bloke who lives in the village, right at the far end, the last house. Well, he has the dog, see, an Alsatian. Lovely dog, it is. It’s just had pups, keeps them in the shed. Only I’ve seen the bloke hitting the dog, he was doing it the other day.” Steve frowned and sighed as Simon paused. “The poor thing was trying to get into the shed to its pups but he wouldn’t let it. Just keep hitting it with a stick. Had to do something, didn’t I?” He looked at Steve and Steve nodded knowingly. “So to distract the bloke, I threw a…stone. Didn’t mean to smash the window.” He looked down and shuffled his feet in the dirt. “He has a pony too. In a field at the back of the house, I think he beats that too! Have seen welts on it’s back.”

A look of horror and disgust appeared on Steve’s face.

“What! Why didn’t you report him to the police or RSPCA?” Steve questioned him.

“Couldn’t. Know one would believe me.”

“Why?”

“Well, he’s one of those people who, oh you know, works for the council, saw his picture on one of those election posters!”

“A councillor.”

“Yeah. They are going to believe him over me, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, I’m afraid they are.” Steve spoke from bitter experience. He had become involved in a brawl when he witnessed a man beating a horse. Steve was jailed for assault while the rider, a well to do local businessman got off Scot free, of both the fight and the incident of cruelty to the horse. A backhander to the court, Steve suspected but could never prove. Even now some of the more spiteful people in the area would take sickening pleasure in bringing Steve’s prison record up.

“Look, did he see you?”

“Yeah, I think so. I fell over when I ran away then I bumped into this old woman. I think it might have been her who told the police.”

Steve rubbed his chin and thought for a while.

“So, if he suspects you saw him mistreating his animals, he’s unlikely to continue to do it, at least for the time being. I think Simon, me old mate, we are going to have to bide our time and get proof of his cruelty, something the police will believe and will stick. We’ll just have to keep an eye on him, from a distance, though. But rest assured we’ll get him, one day soon we’ll get him.” He patted the young lad on his shoulder.

“What about the broken window, are the police charging you with that.”

“I don’t know. I’ve offered to pay for it. Mum’s making me give up my pocket money, so I’ll think they’ll leave it at that if I don’t get into any more trouble!”

Steve smiled and nodded. “Now, you’ve worked hard this weekend why don’t you go off home. You okay riding Polly back? (He’d ridden her there early that morning.) And, mate, I’m sorry about the tractor, I’ve really got other things on my mind at the moment but I promise soon, okay?”

“Yeah, okay Steve. I hope Dora’s all right?”

“Yeah, so do I. Here.” He took out a crumpled pound note from his pocket and pushed it to the boy’s hand. “For your hard work.”

“It don’t matter. Dora’s supposed to be giving me lessons and training Polly in exchange for me helping out.”

“Well, you haven’t had any this weekend, so take it you deserve it, it’ll help pay for the window! I can’t promise it every week, though.” Steve smiled apologetically at him.

Simon turned to go then changed his mind and face Steve once more.

“Thanks Steve, for listening. If you need to talk...about Dora, you know where I am?” He said a serious look on his face and a grown up stance.

“Thanks Simon but not at the moment, maybe later.” Steve grinned at him both amused and touched by his mature attitude.

As Steve waved goodbye to Simon he notice Dora walking towards the gate with the same sad forlorn gait she had when he had watched her on the jetty.

“Well, mate, it’s now or never.” He said out loud to himself. “You’re going to tell me today, girl. I’ll make sure of that.” Glancing only briefly at her, he turned and headed for the stables.

---

Dora had no energy or inclination for work today. Too many thoughts were zooming around in head; too many fears were making her heart ached and her body felt heavy and weary. She had seen Simon leave awhile before waving cheerfully at her and had made her way through the gate to speak to Steve who had still been in the yard but he had taken one look at her and disappeared quickly into the stables. He obviously didn’t want to talk to her. So here she stood leaning up against her beloved old tree, holding on to it’s trunk for support as if her life depended on it.

The sudden sound of hooves on cobbles behind her, startled her and she spun round to see Steve standing a few yards away holding Alex’s rein in one hand and Copper’s in the other, both were saddled up.

“Hey, girl.” He called brightly to her. “You and I are going for a ride.”

She looked at him, her eyes caught his and she stared at him for a brief second. “We are?”

“Yeah, we are. Here.” He walked the horses over to her and handed her Copper’s reins.

They trotted out of the yard and into the field by the lake without another word being spoken.

“Race you to the edge of the wood.” Steve said urging Alex into a gallop.

He looked around at Dora and finding her hot on his heels he pushed Alex harder trying to make the most of his brief lead. Expecting her to over take him at any time, he revelled in feeling the wind whipping through his hair and the fresh Yorkshire air being forced into his lungs, making him breathe hard. He was still breathing hard when he reach the wood without Dora. Blind panic over came him when he realised she hadn’t passed as she normally did. He turned abruptly in his saddle and sighed with relief when he spied Copper trotting slowly down the hill, Dora still on his back.

“Stupid idiot! What was he thinking? Making her ride so hard in her possible condition. Thank God, she looked okay!”

He rode up to meet her.

“Are you all right?” He said unable to keep the concerned tone from his voice.

“Yes. A fly hit me right in the eye, so I had to slow down.” She lied, ashamed. “Sorry!”

What was she sorry about? He thought. Not telling him the truth!

“So I won by default then,” he said with a forced light-heartedness. “Do you want me to have a look?”

“What?”

“Your eye.”

“Oh no, it’s gone now.” She tried to smile.

“Want an amble through the woods then back to the lake?”

Dora nodded and made her to the nearby bridle path. Steve let her walk on in front a little way before taking his place beside her where the path widened.

He bit his bottom lip and breathed in deeply.

“Simon told me happened, today.” He said breaking the silence and causing Dora to look at him.

“Really, what did he say?” she asked absentmindedly.

Steve recalled his conversation with Simon to her and although she nodded every now and then her eyes were focussed into the distance in front of her and her mind was obviously somewhere else, Steve observed.

“Dora, you’re not listening, are you?”

“What? Yes, I am. You said Simon didn’t mean to break the window.”

“Dora.” Steve said exasperated. “That was five minutes ago.”

“Sorry!” It came out almost as a sob.

“Come on, let’s stop for awhile.”

By this time they had left the woods behind and were now back at the far end of lake, which stretch out towards Follyfoot.

Steve dismounted and tied Alex to a nearby tree. Walking down to the waters edge, he sat himself down on the grassy bank. Dora followed him and gingerly placed herself next to him. Looking around she smiled to herself, ever since the day they had stopped here and Steve had told her the story of his grandmother’s ‘treasure hunt’ it had been a favourite place of hers. During the early days of their new relationship they had often walked here and kissed under the very tree where they had first talk about love between them and where Steve had said that it wouldn’t work but she had proved him wrong, her wish had come true and their friendship had indeed turned to love. But would their love be strong enough to survive what she had to tell him. And tell him she must. Now!

She turned to him as he looked at her and took the words right out of her mouth.

“We need to talk, girl.” He sighed deeply.

Dora nodded.

“I think you have…”Steve started.

“Steve, I need to….”

“You go first, girl. I think I know what you are going to say anyway.”

“You know. Know what?” she said quietly.

“That you might be… that you could be…pregnant? That’s it, isn’t it?”

Dora only nodded, no words would come, the lump in her throat was choking her and tears had started to well up in he eyes.

“Oh Dora,” Steve rubbed his hand over his face and sighed.

“Steve, I’m sorry.” The words eventually came out as no more than a squeak as sobs began to rack her body.

“Come here, girl.” Steve reach out for her and wrapped his arms tightly around her. She fell gratefully into them, her head hard against his shoulder. This is what she wanted, to have him hold her and to comfort her.

“Sshh, girl. Sshh. It will be alright.” He ran his hand over her hair, stroking it softly then down over her shoulders to her back. His hand gently rubbed her back until the sobs turned to hiccups then eventually ceased.

She sat up and looked at him, her eyes staring into his trying the read the expression in them. His hands gripped her shoulders firmly, as he held her off and stared right back at her.

“How sure are you? I mean, is it definite?”

“Pretty sure.” She sniffed reaching into her pocket and bringing out a white handkerchief, she wiped her face. “I can’t think of any other reason for my missed….” She sniffed again and swallowed hard trying not to cry again. “Oh Steve what are we going to do?”

“Well, firstly, you have to see a doctor. Just to make sure. Maybe other reasons why…”He trailed off. He ran his hands down her arms and grabbed each of her hands with his. His dark eyes burned into hers as he continued. “Then, if it’s true…” he shook his head and breathed out noisily. “Oh Dora, I don’t know what to do but I know it will be all right. We’ll work it out, I promise.” He pulled her to him once more and engulfed her in his arms as she wrapped hers tightly around him. And there they remained for sometime, holding on to each other, Steve’s head resting on hers as she buried her face once more into his chest, the rhythmic beating of his heart soothing her. He hadn’t said how he knew and she hadn’t asked, they would talk later, for now all she needed to know was that he was here holding her, comforting her and assuring her that he would be there whatever