Christmas Angel

by Linda Hayman

Slugger answered the telephone when it rang. Steve was sat at the table peeling carrots for the stew. He saw Slugger’s face after he’d put the receiver down.

“What’s up Sluggs - what is it?” asked Steve anxiously. Slugger sat down heavily on the chair next to him.

“That was the Colonel. He’s coming over. It’s bad news.”

“What’s happened? It’s not Dora is it? Steve said urgently. It was a bleak December day and the paths were slippery. She was out on Copper and he hadn’t seen her since just after lunch.

“No, no,” said Slugger quickly “it’s her parents... they’ve had a car accident. Her mother’s dead!”

“Dead!” repeated Steve. “And her father?”

“He’s alive but it’s not good.” said Slugger.

They both sat motionless, lost in their own thoughts. Then Steve broke the silence.

“Oh God! How’s she gonna cope with this Sluggs?” Slugger shook his head.

“I don’t know son, but the Colonel wants us around when he tells her.” Steve nodded.

“Sure.” he said apprehensively.

The front door slammed and Ron burst into the room.

“What about coffee for the workers then?” he joked. But the smile left his face as soon as he saw Steve and Slugger. He knew something was very wrong. He looked from one to the other. Steve eventually spoke.

“Dora’s parents have had a car accident. Her mother’s dead.”

“Oh, blimey!” was all Ron could think of to say.

“The Colonel’s coming over now to tell her, only she’s still out riding. She’s been gone ages.” Slugger told him.

Steve stood up and went across to the window.

“She’ll be back soon.” he said, wishing with all his heart that he could take this from her.

When Dora arrived in the yard the Colonel was waiting for her. Steve and Ron busied themselves in the top barn and Slugger tidied some tools away.

“Hello uncle, I wasn’t expecting you today - is everything OK?” she asked with a smile.

“Slugger, can you take Copper.” the Colonel shouted across to him.

Slugger took the horse as Dora dismounted, but he couldn’t look at Dora. She began to feel uneasy.

“What is it uncle?”

“Come inside Dora.” was all he said.

Steve, Ron and Slugger waited outside. Ron and Slugger were by the donkeys, Slugger sitting on an old crate he’d found. Steve perched on the edge of the water trough looking at his feet as he scuffed at the ground. Now and again he looked towards the house, wondering all the time how Dora was.

“Ere, fill a bucket up while you’re there.” Ron said to Steve. Steve looked at him.

“What for?”

“Oh, never mind, I’ll do it myself.” said Ron, wanting to be busy for a change.

He grabbed the donkeys’ bucket and walked over to the trough, splashing Steve as he filled it up - but he didn’t seem to notice. Ron went across to the lightening tree and emptied the bucket around its base.

“What good d’you think that’ll do.” said Steve.

Ron shrugged. “I dunno mate, but it seems to work for Dora.”

Steve smiled an ironic smile and then stared back down at his feet. The sound of a door banging made him look up again just as the Colonel was coming out of the house, alone. He made his way over to them. He looked grey and worn. Slugger was worried for him - they’d forgotten that it was his family too.

“Come and sit down Colonel.” Slugger said, moving the old crate he had been using over for the Colonel to sit on.

“How is she?” asked Steve. The Colonel looked worried.

“She’s in denial, shock, I don’t know, but it’s as if she hasn’t heard a word I’ve said.

She’s talking about horses, the farm, anything and everything, except the accident. She hasn’t shown any emotion at all. No tears, no shouting, nothing.”

“I’ll go and see her.” Steve said, worried that she was by herself. He started walking towards the farmhouse when Dora came out, striding purposefully through the gate and towards Copper’s stable. Steve ran across to her.

“Hi.” he said gently.

“Hi Steve.” she said almost cheerily, going into the stable. Steve followed her.

“What are you doing Dora?” he asked anxiously when he saw her putting the saddle on Copper.

“I’m going for a ride.” she said simply. Steve looked at the sky. It was getting cold and dark now and it looked like snow. He tried to talk her out of it.

“But you’ve been out on him all morning, he needs to rest.” said Steve (really meaning that Dora needed to rest). She looked at him, tilting her head as she was thinking.

“Yes, maybe you’re right Steve, I’ll take Alex - you don’t mind do you?” Steve frowned. She never rides Alex, he thought. She went to the stall where Alex was busy eating and enjoying his warm surroundings. She fetched a saddle and put it on his back. Steve tried again.

“Isn’t it a bit dark to go out now Dora?”

“I won’t be gone long.” she said.

“Well, I’ll come with you then.” he said.

“Do what you like Steve.” she replied.

“I’ll ride Marty then shall I?” he questioned. Dora led Alex out of the stable.

“I said do what you like.” she shouted over her shoulder.

They rode in silence over towards the woods and out into the fields beyond. Dora went quickly into gallop, pushing Alex hard. Steve had a job to keep up on Marty. Suddenly Alex hit a slippery patch, a spot where the sun never quite reached in the winter. He fell, throwing Dora onto the hard ground. Steve pulled up, quickly dismounted and went to her.

“Dora, are you OK?” he asked worriedly.

“I’m fine. I’m fine.” she said irritably, annoyed with herself that she had fallen.

She moved away sharply when Steve tried to help her up.

“I said I’m fine.” she said angrily. Steve stood away from her with a hurt expression on his face. Dora didn’t take any notice of him but she did see that Alex was up and was very lame.

“Oh God, Alex! Is he OK?” Steve went over to his horse and spoke gently to him.

“Hey now, come on boy.” Alex was happy to have his injured leg examined, although he shied when Steve touched a tender spot.

“I think it’s just badly bruised.” he said. “We’ll have to go back and call the vet - just to be sure. You take Marty and I’ll walk back with Alex.”

Dora stood still, just staring at Alex. She looked as though she was going to cry. Steve went to her.

“Are you alright?” he asked tenderly. She didn’t reply. Steve took his chance.

“Dora, I’m so sorry about your parents.” Dora shrugged.

“It’s one of those things isn’t it?” she said in a ‘matter of fact’ voice. She mounted Marty, and then said,

“Thanks for taking Alex back Steve, I’ll see you later.” Steve looked at her aghast. She turned Marty around and rode off. Steve shouted after her.

“You’ll go straight back to the farm won’t you - you’ve had a nasty fall too?”

“Yes.” was all she said and then she was gone.

It was late when Steve arrived back at Follyfoot with Alex. The poor horse could hardly walk and Steve had to keep stopping to let him rest. The night was cold and the first flakes of snow were beginning to fall. Steve settled Alex in his stall and made sure he was comfortable. He would call the vet first thing in the morning. Now though, he needed to ease his mind so he walked over to Marty’s stall to check he was there. Marty came over to him when he opened his door, as if to welcome him back. Steve rubbed the horse’s nose. Thank goodness, she must be back safely, he thought. He closed Marty’s door and wandered into the yard. The snow was heavier now and Steve was thankful he was home. He looked over to the farmhouse. There were still lights on. Steve was hungry and thirsty so he made his way over to the house and went inside. Dora was alone, sitting by the glowing embers of the fire. She looked round at him as he entered. The subtle lighting highlighted the features of her pretty face but her eyes were empty.

“Oh, you’re back at last.” she said to him sharply. Steve was taken aback. Is that all she could say - she didn’t even seem worried.

He didn’t want to upset her so he just said “Yes.”

“How’s Alex?” she asked, turning away from him again.

“He’s in pain and he can hardly walk, that’s why I’ve taken so long. I’ll ring the vet tomorrow.” Dora nodded and stayed staring into the fire.

Steve made himself scrambled egg on toast. Dora had declined his offer to make her some, she’d hardly eaten anything, but she did have a mug of tea.

When he had finished eating he joined her by the fire. Dora didn’t speak or look at him. She just stared at the last remnants of the fire. Steve reached across her and put a large log on. The flames licked around the dry wood in no time and filled the room with light and heat.

Knowing how much Dora loved the snow and trying to get some sort of reaction from her, he said “It’s snowing pretty hard out there.”

“Is it?” she replied in a toneless voice. Then after another awkward silence she said

“I’m going to bed now - check the fire’s OK before you leave won’t you? Then she just left the room.

Steve felt useless. Why was she was deliberately shutting him out? They shared things (or so he thought) so why wouldn’t she talk to him? He went over to the window. The yard was covered with a thin layer of glistening snow, which seemed to brighten up the darkness of the night. He felt quite depressed and couldn’t understand why Dora was treating him this way. Was she somehow blaming him for what had happened? He gave out a heavy sigh and absently watched as more snow settled over the farm. He didn’t fancy going outside again, he was warm and comfortable where he was, so he decided to stay the night in the chair by the fire.

The sudden noise woke him. He listened intently and thought for a second he’d imagined it but then it was there again, a terrifying scream. He jumped up and ran up the stairs, bumping into Slugger on the landing.

“Oh blimey, you scared me ‘alf to death!” exclaimed Slugger, holding his chest and willing his heart to keep beating. “What are you doing here anyway?” Steve briefly explained the situation. All was quiet again now and the two men were about to go downstairs when another terrible scream rent the silence. Steve rushed into Dora’s room and Slugger followed him, waiting by the door.

“Don’t wake her suddenly.” he said to Steve. “The shock could hurt her.”

Steve went to her side. She was hot and sweating and her head was thrashing from side to side. Her breathing was fast and heavy and she was mumbling inaudibly. Steve leaned over her and very gently touched her arm.

“Dora, it’s alright, you’re having a bad dream.” he said softly. She was still distressed so Steve whispered again.

“Dora, I’m here, it’s OK now.” He tenderly stroked her now damp hair and very gradually her breathing relaxed and she was calm again. Slugger looked relieved. He was glad that Steve was there.

“Well done son.” he whispered. “I’ll go down and make us a drink.”

“Thanks Sluggs. I’ll stay with her a bit longer, just in case.” Slugger nodded and closed the door quietly on his way out. Steve sat by her side and held her hand, hoping that somehow she knew he was there for her.

It was the day before Christmas eve but at Follyfoot you would never have known. Work just carried on as usual and nobody mentioned presents or decorations or food or anything to do with Christmas, and the cards that had arrived lay unopened on a desk in the Colonel’s study. Dora’s mother’s funeral had taken place in London two weeks earlier. Her body had been flown over from South America and the Colonel arranged everything by himself. Dora had kept herself busy at the farm and always had some sort of excuse whenever her uncle tried to include her in the funeral arrangements. Her father was too ill to attend although he was slowly improving and there were rumours that he may be transferred back to England sometime in the new year. Dora hadn’t personally been in touch with her father since the accident but had sent messages via her uncle. On the day of the funeral she had been up early, mucking out the horses and working on well into the morning. When Steve had told her to stop and get ready for the funeral she had bitten his head off. He accepted her anger with a heavy heart, putting it down once more to the fact that she was grieving.

Today Dora had gone with the Colonel to collect a horse who was being retired from pulling a canal barge. Steve, Slugger and Ron had finished all the work and were sitting around the table talking over a cup of coffee.

“We can’t not have Christmas.” said Ron gloomily. He loved staying over at Follyfoot at Christmas time. Slugger agreed with him wholeheartedly.

Steve wasn’t so sure. He could sympathise with Dora. At this time of year what were happy family occasions for some could be miserable and lonely times for others. He’d been in that situation often enough and he knew how lonely and despairing it could be. He had to admit though that he hadn’t felt like that since he’d been at Follyfoot.

“Look, if Dora doesn’t want to celebrate then we should respect that.” he said with authority but not much conviction. Ron shook his head and his frustrations got the better of him.

“Respect this, respect that, don’t upset Dora. If you ask me we’ve been pussy-footing around her for too long now. Things need to change. I mean, look how’s she’s treating us - how she’s treating you, Steve!”

Slugger looked from Ron to Steve, hoping that he wouldn’t have to intervene in an argument. He knew Steve was really suffering inside and Slugger thought he looked tired, mentally as well as physically. Of course they all wanted their Dora to come back to them. She was so out of character in everything she did, unrecognisable at times even with the horses, but she was hurting Steve more than any of them, completely shutting him out of her life and treating him as if he was a stranger.

Steve didn’t have the energy to fight and instead put his head in his hands. Ron felt sorry for him and said realistically

“She needs normality, Steve. We’re treating her like she’s made of glass - wrapping her in cotton wool in case she breaks. We’ve got to start being ourselves again. It’ll be hard for us all but it’s what she needs to get her back on track. Her Follyfoot as it was - as it always been.”

Slugger was impressed by Ron’s words. He’d never known him to wear his heart on his sleeve before but he could tell this was straight from the heart.

“He’s right you know.” Slugger said to Steve. “We’re the only ones who can do this for her.” Deep down Steve knew they were right and he nodded his head wearily in agreement, without saying a word.

Ron put a friendly hand on Steve’s shoulder and said

“Remember that saying mate - you always hurt the one you love. It’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

Christmas Eve dawned cold and frosty. Dora was up early. She wrapped up warm and went out into the yard. Steve was already up and saying goodbye to the vet who had just finished with Alex. She was very surprised to see Ron’s motorbike parked up by the gate.

“What’s going on? Why’s Ron here already? Dora asked, frowning at Steve. Steve ignored her and said

“Alex is fine, thanks for asking. The vet said his leg’s completely healed.” Dora looked moodily at Steve as he continued to speak.

“He asked who the idiot was that took him out in the icy conditions in the first place.” Steve stared hard at her. Dora stormed off into Copper’s stable without replying.

Steve felt mean speaking to her like that but he knew it was for the best. They had to try and act as they would have done before her parents’ accident. Even the Colonel had agreed it was the only solution.

The three men worked hard all day getting Follyfoot into the Christmas spirit. Slugger opened all the cards and hung them on strings around the walls. He decorated the farmhouse and used the leftover tinsel to put over the doors of the horses’ stalls. Ron and Steve went into the woods and found a large, bushy Christmas tree which took all their strength to cut down and haul back to the house. They asked Dora to decorate it but she sarcastically said that somebody had to look after the horses, so Slugger did it instead.

“It looks great Sluggs, but isn’t there something missing?” said Steve, looking at the top of the tree. Ron followed his gaze.

“The old angel.” Ron said. The boys reckoned that Slugger’s angel was almost as old as he was but every year he brought her out of her hibernation and proudly sat her on top of the Christmas tree.

“Where is she then Sluggs, I’ll stick her up there for you?” said Ron. Slugger shook his head.

“No Ron, Dora puts her on the tree - it’s our little ritual now. If she doesn’t do it, then the angel stays in the box.” The boys nodded their agreement.

The Colonel arrived at midday with a huge turkey and all the trimmings and a large homemade Christmas pudding complete with brandy butter that Mrs Porter had sent over for them. Slugger was delighted. All he would need to do now on Christmas morning was the vegetables. The Colonel also brought a large hamper packed with food, drinks and sweets. Everything they would need, and more.

After supper Ron helped Slugger to make coffees in the kitchen. Dora and Steve were still sitting at the table, Steve reading through an old newspaper and Dora just staring at the fire, making pictures from the leaping flames. Slugger carried in the tray of drinks and put it down on the table in front of Dora.

“Help yourselves.” he said.

“Thanks Sluggs.” said Steve. Dora said nothing.

Ron came into the room. “It’s started snowing again out there - we’re gonna have a white Christmas.” he said excitedly. Steve and Slugger went to the window. The snow was falling heavily and quickly formed a blanket over Follyfoot. Even the lightening tree’s dark branches were silhouetted white against the night sky.

“Cor, it’s beautiful, just like a Christmas card.” said Slugger, remembering winters long ago when it snowed in November and didn’t thaw until March.

“Come and see Dora.” Steve said. “It really is beautiful.”

Ron watched her as she turned her nose up and ignored Steve. Steve sat back down at the table and took a cup of coffee from the tray. He looked at Dora and spoke sharply.

“Didn’t you hear what I said to you?”

Ron could hear in the tone of his voice that Steve was losing patience now. Slugger looked around. Dora was staring at Steve and if looks could kill, Steve would be lying on the floor. The atmosphere was charged. Dora stood up so that she now looked down on Steve.

“I’ve other, more important things on my mind at the moment.” she said with malice in her voice. Steve looked irritably at her. He’d really had enough.

“You think you’re the only person in the world who’s ever lost somebody don’t you? Well let me tell you girl that you’re not.” he shouted at her.

Dora was taken aback by Steve’s outburst and, without thinking, she spitefully retaliated.

“What would you know? Your mother’s still alive and you don’t even remember your father.”

Ron and Slugger looked at each other, both ready to intervene if they needed to. Dora saw the pain in Steve’s face and bit her bottom lip, knowing she’d gone too far. She ran from the house into the wintry night, slamming the door behind her.

Steve sat frozen for a moment and then he suddenly slammed his fists onto the table top, making Ron and Slugger jump. He was furious now.

“She’s not getting away with that.” he said and flew from the room.

Ron went to follow them but Slugger stopped him.

“You wanted normality. What’s more normal than them two arguing. Leave them to it. This’ll sort things out - one way or another.”

Ron blew out his cheeks and sat back down, taking a mug of coffee from the tray.

Steve followed Dora’s footprints into the top barn and confronted her there.

“How dare you. What do you know about my loss? No, I don’t remember my dad but I remember the hurt and the pain when my whole world was turned upside down. I remember the loneliness when my mum left me at the orphanage and never came back and I remember the emptiness when I found her again and she told me to leave her alone. She may as well be dead!”

Dora stood still, just staring at him like a rabbit in his headlights. Steve’s anger had turned to sorrow now and he slumped down in the hay and put his fisted hand up to his mouth. After a moment he heard Dora’s voice, speaking slowly and quietly.

“How do I grieve for somebody I don’t even like?” she asked him.

He looked at her and he could see that the corner of her eyes were glistening with the tears which she had held back for so long. He looked into her sad eyes, shook his head and, after a moment, spoke softly.

“Oh Dora. Just because you didn’t like your mother it doesn’t mean you didn’t love her. Love is... love is different, much more than that. It’s deeper inside.”

He saw a tear escape and trickle down her face. Steve thought how very young and how very vulnerable she looked at that moment. He went across to her and cuddled her tightly until she finished sobbing, then he stroked her hair.

“You stroked my hair that night, when I was dreaming.” she said.

“You knew?” Steve said expectantly. Dora shook her head.

“Slugger told me.”

“Oh.”

“Slugger said he was glad you were there.” Then she added “I’m glad you were there too Steve.”

Steve smiled to himself. It had been a painful journey but now, at last, Dora was back, and needing to talk to him.

“I can’t believe how I’ve behaved towards you all. I’m so disgusted about the things I’ve said and done. And treating Alex like that - it’s as if it wasn’t me.” she said, trying to make sense of it all.

“Steve, I had no right to say those things I said earlier. It was wicked and cruel - I’m sorry. Will you ever forgive me?”

Steve bowed his head. She really had hurt him with her words. Dora could see that and she continued speaking.

“Do you know what Slugger once said to me? He said, you always hurt the one you love.”

Steve looked up at her and smiled a wry smile. “Did he now.”

“So if that’s true, perhaps my mother did love me after all?” Dora tried to convince herself.

Steve reassured her. “I’m sure your mother loved you very much Dora. She just didn’t know you very well, that’s all.”

Steve went over to Dora, took hold of her shoulders and looked deeply into her still moist eyes.

“We hurt each other a lot don’t we?” he said. Dora stared at him and nodded her head slowly.

“I suppose that must mean something then?” he added.

Dora looked at him quizzically. She thought about what he had said and smiled to herself. Was Steve saying what she thought he was saying?

The magic of the moment was broken with the ringing of church bells. Dora loved the angelic sound which was echoing around the silent countryside.

“It’s Christmas day.” she said.

“Yes” said Steve, taking her hands in his. “And I couldn’t have wished for a better present!”

Dora looked mystified. “What present?” she asked.

Steve laughed at the strange expression on her face.

“You!” he said. “You’re back. I’ve missed you so much... we’ve all missed you Dora.” he quickly added.

“Oh Steve.” she said simply. He leaned towards her and kissed her full on the mouth. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him back, not really believing what was happening.

Ron and Slugger stood outside the barn watching the tender scene. Then Ron cleared his throat noisily and Steve and Dora stopped quickly and turned around.

“Merry Christmas.” Ron said. Dora ran to him and hugged him, planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Merry Christmas Ron.” she said cheerily. Then she turned to Slugger and gave him a kiss too.

“Merry Christmas Slugger.” Slugger’s face was beaming.

“I can see you two have made up.” he said with a laugh and nodding towards Steve.

Steve winked at Slugger and said

“There’s a little job Slugger needs you to do in the house Dora - isn’t there Sluggs?” Slugger knew exactly what Steve meant.

They all went back into the house together. Slugger carefully took the angel from the box and gave it to Dora.

“I can’t quite reach the top.” she said, stretching as high as she could.

“Allow me madam.” said Ron in a very posh voice and knelt down so she could stand on his back. Steve steadied her and she reached up and placed the angel on the top of the tree.

When she got down again Slugger looked at her seriously. “You’ve gotta promise me one thing. You’re to go and see your father as soon as he’s back in England... promise?”

“I promise.” said Dora.

She thought it strange that, although it was one of the saddest times in her life, she had never felt happier. She vowed to herself that she would never treat her friends that way again, whatever the circumstances. After all, Follyfoot meant too much to her and they were Follyfoot.

Ron stood up and admired the tree. “Our Christmas angel is back.” he said.

“She certainly is” exclaimed Steve, but looking straight at Dora. “and not before time!” He moved over to where she was standing and kissed her.

“Merry Christmas angel.” he said.